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Episodes
We watch, talk about, and summarize creature features. Then we make a custom stat block for the title monster in D&D 5e.
Episodes
Sunday Jan 01, 2023
Sunday Jan 01, 2023
Originally released last month on our patreon.
Hosted by a unicorn in disguise: Chris.
When we get right down to it, what do any of us really know about unicorns?
Today, we discuss one of the more unique instances of these majestic creatures in the form of a man with way more muscle than brains and an insatiable third eye for some reason.
Advice to players: If you're going to walk to Russia from the U.S., you'd better take a real big breath.
Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle
Sunday Dec 25, 2022
Sunday Dec 25, 2022
Merry Christmas!
I have no idea how we got here. It's Beauty and the Beast: the Enchanted Christmas. Join us as we question exactly who's fault this is, discuss the juicy gossip about who might be involved with Mrs. Potts, and of course, point out the existential horror that the Beauty and the Beast universe has to offer. Then, stick around as we crunch Tim Curry as an organ: the octavio.
Crunch begins around 53:30.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Sweet Transvestite" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack
Background music: "Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Chirstmas Official Soundtrack" from Disney
Friday Dec 23, 2022
Friday Dec 23, 2022
We watch and outline the mind-bending sci-fi/horror film: Annihilation. Join us as we take a stroll in a living prism of a world, get a little bit personal, and of course, talk about a bear. Then, stick around as we crunch the infamous horror bear: Upsetting Bearform.
Crunch begins around 01:09:00.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Beware!" Bear Ghost
Background music: Annihilation Full Motion Picture Soundtrack by Ben Salisbury and Geoff Barrow
Thursday Dec 08, 2022
Thursday Dec 08, 2022
Trigger warning for brief mentions of sexual abuse towards a minor.
We watch and talk about the Labor Day weekend box-office smash of the early 00's: Jeepers Creepers. Join us as we try our hardest to not think of how much of a bad man the director is, puzzle (and complain) about the complete lack of forethought put into this flick, and wish we lived in the universe where this was a better movie. Then, stick around as we crunch the enigma that is the Blind Stalker.
Crunch begins around 01:08:00.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "The Dismemberment Song" by Blue Kid
Background music: Jeepers Creepers (Original Motion Picture Score) by Bennett Salvay, Victor Salva & Henry Hall & The BBC Dance Orchestra and "Jeepers Creepers" by Jack Teagarden
Thursday Dec 01, 2022
Thursday Dec 01, 2022
Originally released last month on our patreon.
Hosted by the very sanguine combustible, Chris.
In this episode, we dive deep into a dark part of Scott Summers' family tree and bring back a monstrosity that only the 90's could create.
Advice to players: don't get cut- he'll explode your blood.
Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle
Friday Nov 25, 2022
Friday Nov 25, 2022
We watch and talk about another John Carpenter joint: Big Trouble in Little China. Join us as Chris schools Matt in movie plots and stat blocks, gush over two prolific Chinese actors, and get caught up in the absolute madness that is Chinatown in the 1980's apparently. Then, stick around as we crunch an atomized sorcerer who is but a dream: the Cursed Immortal Sorcerer.
Crunch begins around 01:10:15.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Pork CHop Express" by The Critters
Background music: Big Trouble in Little China OST by John Carpenter
Thursday Nov 24, 2022
Thursday Nov 24, 2022
Happy Thanksgiving!
Continuing our tradition of covering kid-friendly movies for Halloween followed by nobody-friendly movies for Thanksgiving, we watched Troma's Poultrygeist (2006). Join us as we endure the sleaziest humor the mid 00's had to offer, enjoy some really creative self-referential and generally great humor, and say a lot less of what this movie has to offer. Then, stick around as we crunch two creatures that are NOT werechickens: the Chickfector and the Chickfected.
Crunch begins around 47:00.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Magic Chicken!" by The Aquabats!
Background music: Poulrygeist: Night of the Chciken Dead (Full Soundtrack)
Friday Nov 11, 2022
Friday Nov 11, 2022
We watch and talk about the last movie we saw in Theaters before the pandemic: Underwater (2020). Join us as we lament this movie's box-office takings, lament Kristin Stewart's bad rap, and lament T.J. Miller's existence. Then, stick around as we crunch a new member of the Beach Hunter family: the Deep Hunter.
Crunch begins around 59:30.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Underwater Woman" by They Might Be Giants
Background music: Underwater Soundtrack Score (2020) by Marco Beltrami
Tuesday Nov 01, 2022
Tuesday Nov 01, 2022
This episode features Mephisto, the Silver Surfer, and Galactus. We don't make stat blocks for any of them. Instead, we look at a pirate ghost cyborg who is evidentially the Silver Surfer's Achilles' heel.
Advice to players: cry for me.
Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle
Monday Oct 31, 2022
Monday Oct 31, 2022
Happy Halloween!
It's that time of year again, and since we cover almost nothing but monster movies year-round, we have to reach in a slightly different direction for the 31st of October. And so, we watch and talk about the second Halloween special episode of the 90's hit show based off/inspired by Japanese super sentai: Power Rangers: Trick or Treat. Join us as we travel back to a time of radditude and goopy comic relief, raise many questions about America's most popular game show, and get down with our inner 90's family-friendly rap demons. Then, stick around as we crunch a completely baffling creature with the Rhyme-o-Lantern.
Crunch begins around 59:30.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Power Rangers Theme - Mighty Morphin Bagpipe Metal Cover" by TheSnakeCharmer
Background music: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Soundtrack