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We watch, talk about, and summarize creature features. Then we make a custom stat block for the title monster in D&D 5e.
Episodes
Friday Oct 28, 2022
Friday Oct 28, 2022
We watch and talk about the bizarre Space Vampire story: Lifeforce. Join us as we are taken through a wild ride rife with nudity, witness a moment in history with Patrick Stewart's first on-screen kiss, and completely fall apart in the third act. Then, stick around as we crunch Chris' most complex monster yet: the Astral Vampire.
Crunch begins around 1:18:00.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Demon Woman" by Flight of the Conchords
Background music: Lifeforce Full Vinyl by Henry Mancini
Friday Oct 14, 2022
Friday Oct 14, 2022
We watch and talk about Prey. Nope, not that one. Join us as we learn some questionable therapy tactics, draw some obvious comparisons, and question the career of one soda-drinking man in Hollywood. Then, stick around as we crunch the worst ghost you've ever seen: The Clufftrogeist.
Crunch begins around 1:05:00.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Island in the Sun" by Weezer
Background music: none this week ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Sunday Oct 02, 2022
Sunday Oct 02, 2022
In honor of our first anniversary, we decided to not only do a much longer Kibbles episode, but also upload it to the main feed!
We combed through our first year and touched up on some things we skipped or overlooked the first time around. So here's a collection of lair actions, magic items, feats, a subclass, and, yes, some stat blocks. If you enjoy this, please consider supporting us on our Patreon for more!
Advice to players: Beware of monster lairs, especially if the monster has a gun.
Saturday Oct 01, 2022
Saturday Oct 01, 2022
Originally launched last month on our patreon.
Hosted by Mephisto's most questionable agent: Chris.
CW for people being horrible to animals in the ‘60s. Skip the 29:30 to 36:35 to avoid brief mentions of animal cruelty.
It's a different kind of episode today inspired by capitalistic greed and marketing to children! Huzzah!
Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle
Friday Sep 30, 2022
Friday Sep 30, 2022
It's our anniversary episode! Naturally, we watch and talk about the sequel to the first movie we covered: Aliens (1986). Join us as we reveal details about the life cycle of the Xenomorph, gush over the awesomeness that is Ellen Ripley, and share a horror movie with Matt's 6yo daughter. Then, stick around as we add another member of the xeno family: the Xenoregent.
Crunch begins around 1:38:00.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Cosmic Space Commando Base" by Victorius
Background music: "Aliens Soundtrack" by James Horner
Friday Sep 16, 2022
Friday Sep 16, 2022
We watch and talk about the not-at-all tie-in to Venom: Life (2017). Join us as we discuss the misleading nature of the trailer, suspend our disbelief, and wonder if Margaret Wise Brown would really approve of her book being in sop many horror movies. Then, stick around as we crunch one of the most complicated monsters we've done so far: the Persistent Lifeform.
Crunch begins around 52:00.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Life on Mars" by David Bowie
Friday Sep 02, 2022
Friday Sep 02, 2022
Just in time for it to hit Imax, we watch and talk about the movie that launched Spielberg's career, Jaws (1975). Join us as we discuss the story behind a malfunctioning shark, a malfunctioning actor, and a malfunctioning production. Then, stick around as we crunch into the creature almost as hard as it crunched into Chrissie with the Even Greater White Shark.
Crunch begins around 1:11:30.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "The Shark Fighter!" by The Aquabats!
Thursday Sep 01, 2022
Thursday Sep 01, 2022
EDIT 10/21/2022 - I accidentally uploaded the wrong file for this episode, whoops! Sorry for any confusion.
Originally launched last month on our patreon.
Hosted by The Thing in disguise: Chris.
How much do you really know about Johnny Storm's ex-girlfriend, Darla Deering?
Oh.
Well.
Here she is.
Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle
Friday Aug 19, 2022
Friday Aug 19, 2022
My finger slipped and this became an almost two hour episode. Oops.
We watch and talk about the most important movie of Matt's life, Godzilla 1985 (AKA: The Return of Godzilla). Join us as we get very granular about the differences between the two versions of this movie, marvel at the intensity that is Raymond Burr, and honestly just bask in Matt's unfiltered passion for this movie. Then, stick around as we do our best to represent the greatest monster to ever exist in a simple one-page stat block: Daisuma the Invincible.
Crunch begins around 1:34:00.
(Editor note: I end up calling Naoko "Naoto" pretty frequently in this one because I'm an idiot. Please forgive)
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Godzilla" by Klaas & Master Ruiz
Friday Aug 05, 2022
Friday Aug 05, 2022
This week is international clown week so here is the totally planned-out, not at all coincidental thematically appropriate episode of Creature Crunch!
We watch and talk about Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Join us as we travel with our leads in their journey self discovery, marvel at the supremely gay undertones of this film, and deep dive into the life cycle of a Killer Klown. Then, stick around as we crunch up an insane weirdo: the Coulrophobite.
Crunch begins around 1:09:00.
Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister
Interlude music: "Carnal Carnival" by Here Come the Mummies